


Silent but Deadly

by dancinluv



Series: Random Sleepy Hollow Ficlets [1]
Category: Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: Gen, Inappropriate Humor, Read at Your Own Risk, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-30 04:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3923527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancinluv/pseuds/dancinluv





	Silent but Deadly

 Abbie, Frank, Jenny and Crane are headed to a local pub they hang out from time to time just to unwind.

Abbie is driving, Ichabod is riding shot gun. Frank and Jenny are in the backseat talking about which fast food joint has the best fries.

For the past ten minutes they have been sitting in what seemed to be bumper to bumper traffic. 

Five minutes later, a strange smell lingers in the car. The odor had four different smells in one between egg, rancid beer, spoiled pork and rotted broccoli.

The scent was all too familiar. They all knew but just didn't want to say. Someone had pass gas. The smell was so bad it had interrupted Frank and Jenny's debate. They look at each other in confusion.

Jenny mouthed to Frank: Did you?

Frank shakes his head no.

Frank mouthed to Jenny ( raises his brows in curiosity): Did you?

Jenny jerks her body away from him, with a offended look on her face, appalled he'd even ask her that and mouthed to Frank: NO

Jenny (asks Frank silently): Who?

Frank points to the back of Ichabod's seat.

Abbie blinks her eyes twice and clears her throat. She casually lifts the back of her hand to her nose, trying to block the overpowering smell that has now filled the entire car.

Ichabod glances at Abbie for a brief second then shoots his eyes forward again. He suspected someone had let one go but was doing his best to be a perfect gentleman and not make it known the scent was affecting him just as badly as the others.

Finally a car moves but only four feet ahead. Abbie drives forward with one hand on the stirring wheel the other hand still held to her nose. Unfortunately the automatic window button was broken so rolling down the windows was not an option.

Ichabod sucks in a breath and held it as long as he could but it was no use, he was never good at holding his breath for longer than seven seconds.

To make matters worse a stronger smell joined its fellow partner and doubled the stench residing in the car.

Jenny sat back in her seat and quickly covered her nose with the sleeve of her sweater.

Frank waves his hand rapidly back and forth in the air trying to waft away the horrible stench, his face is twisted up in disgust.

Abbie continues to keep her attention on the traffic ahead, pretending as if the car smells of roses.

Ichabod quickly keeps taking in deep breaths as soon as he exhales. His eyes dart around aimlessly, wondering when the terrible stench will die off.

Everyone remained silent in the car.

Ichabod opens his eyes even wider as if he's trying to keep himself from shedding a tear from the horrible smell.

Abbie side eyes Ichabod suspiciously for a brief moment before returning her eyes back to the car ahead of her.

Frank repeatedly pushes down on the automatic window button to lower his window. Jenny watches Frank struggling. He catches her watching him and signals her with his hand to try her window.

She nods and pushes down on her automatic window button while holding her other arm to her nose. When nothing happens, Jenny looks back at Frank shrugging her shoulders.

Frank rolls his eyes, collapsing back against his seat with a displeasing look on his face.

Ichabod makes the same attempt with his window and gets the same results. He huffs in discontent.

The smell wouldn't let up. The longer the odor lingered the stronger it became.

Ichabod clears his throat and casually pulls the collar of his coat over his nose , seeing how he was failing miserably at holding his breath for no longer than four seconds at a time.

Another powerful scent makes itself known in Jenny and Franks vicinity. They both throw each other evil glares as if one assumed the other let one seep out.

Jenny moves her arm away from her nose

Jenny mouths to Frank, pointing at him: It was you

Frank mouths to Jenny animatedly : It wasn't me!

Jenny rolls her eyes looking at him as if he's lying. She slides her body over to her side of the door and looks out the window while covering her nose again and every few seconds glances suspiciously at Frank with narrowed eyes.

He looks back at her narrowing his eyes as well, purposely giving dirty glares.

The smell travels from the backseat into Abbie and Ichabod's area. When the scent travels underneath her hand and hits her nose she couldn't help but cough into her hand. Her eyes begin to water. She was praying traffic would lighten up. The cars ahead of her barely moved an inch. Abbie exhales deeply in frustration between the heavy traffic and the insufferable smell.

Frank finally had the nerve to speak up.

Frank (sits forward to ask Abbie a question) : how many more miles til we reach the bar?

Abbie (looks in the rear view mirror at Frank): shouldn't be much longer. Maybe another two miles. Depends on the flow of traffic. If it keeps going at this rate, what should take us five minutes might take us twenty depending on the speed of traffic here. Maybe even longer.

Frank (collapses back against his seat again, throwing his hands up in the air) : fan -fuckin- tastic.

The smell gets worst when another fart makes itself known. They all cover their noses, making a disgruntled noise at the same time.

Ichabod (turns his face towards the window) : dear gawd.....

Jenny: Really Crane?

Ichabod: I beg your pardon?

Jenny: It has to be you that keeps cutting the cheese.

Ichabod: cutting the cheese?

Jenny: in other words, passing gas, breaking wind, farting.

Abbie (she looks at Jenny through the rear view mirror) : How do we know it wasn't you?

Jenny: because _my_ farts smell pretty, nothing like this unholy odor.

Abbie: Hey whoever smelt it dealt it.

Jenny cuts her eyes at Abbie and returns her attention back to the window.

Ichabod: I believe back in my era, if one should 'cut the cheese' as you phrased, in a room full of guest, the person responsible would politely vacate the premises to handle their, _wind_ , in a washroom.

Jenny: well if a window could be opened,Abbie, ( she glares at the back of Abbie's head) then we could all breathe better.

Abbie: The windows don't work.

Ichabod (rolls his eyes) technology.

(another ghastly scent comes around)

Abbie: who in the hell keeps passing gas.

Jenny: it ain't me

Ichabod (smirking): Are you sure?

Jenny: Really Crane?! I know you ain't talkin. I caught your ass this afternoon walking outside of Taco Bell wolfing down a burrito when I was on my way to Abbie's.

Abbie: the taco bell two blocks away from my house??

Jenny: yep

Ichabod: that's absurd, I don't even know what a 'burrito' is.

Jenny: bullshit.

Abbie: Crane, is that why it was taking you so long to get to my house from Starbucks. You went to Taco Bell? and didn't even tell me?

Ichabod: I did not go to this 'Taco Bell' your sister speaks of.

Jenny: so it was some other dude I saw dressed in 18th century clothing who high tailed out of Taco Bell with a burrito in his hand.

Abbie (says to herself out loud) could have made one quick call offering to buy me a taco. (she pouts) I like there tacos. I think they even had a special on there soft shell tacos. Two for the price of one or three for the price of one, I think?

Frank is just sitting in the backseat covering his nose while watching the three argue about a fast food joint.

Ichabod: Miss Mills, I can assure you, I would not venture into an establishment I am unfamiliar with. 

Abbie: Crane, I could care less if you did but dammit man, you could have called and let a sister know you were hitting up taco bell. I could of gone for some Gorditas.

Another funky eggy smell creeps on their conversation.

They all wrinkle up their nose when the scent wisp by them.

Frank ( waves his hand harder in the air) ( he whispers)  damn.

Ichabod: I would no-( covers his nose with the collar of his coat again) I would not dare visit such a run down establishment. (he accidentally takes in another whiff) my lord.

Jenny: Ha! how did you know it was run down?

Ichabod: I just assumed.

Jenny: Nope,  you wouldn't have known that unless you went inside. I could see if the outside of the building looked a wreck but it didn't. It was just redone a month ago. The inside still looks like hell.  Just fess up Icky. Your ass got busted.

Abbie (shakes her head disappointingly) Really Crane?  One simple call. That's all it would have took. Just sayin.

Abbie gives Crane a look

Ichabod (looks back at Abbie with guilt written all over his face) Alright! Alright! I was famished!.

Jenny: Nice going Icky, thanks for stinking up the car tonight. Now it just smells like ass, feet and corn chips up in here.

Abbie: Yeah, thanks a lot Crane. Thanks for not calling and asking If I wanted anything.

Ichabod: Miss Jenny, I most definitely have not been passing wind. I am not the only person that should be held accountable for that vile smell. There are others present in this car.

Jenny (sits back in her seat, rolling her eyes, mumbling to herself) the burrito you ate earlier begs to differ

Frank finally reached his limit, he couldn't tolerate the horrible stench anymore.

Frank: Can we please open a damn door so we can air this funk out. I mean really.

Jenny: Good idea 

They all open their doors while sitting in traffic. Everyone takes in a huge breath of fresh air. They all sit facing outside their doors for five minutes before Abbie noticed traffic starts moving again.

All of them sat in silence the rest of the trip, which only took fifteen minutes to reach the bar once traffic started moving.

Abbie parks, everyone wasted no time exiting the car. They all start walking toward the pub but Abbie lags behind. She stops for a minute. They rest of them turn to look at her.

Ichabod: everything alright Miss Mills?

Abbie: yeah everything is fine, y'all go ahead,  I uh- left something in the car.

Frank: you sure, we don't mind waiting for you.

Abbie: no, no it's okay. Don't worry, I'll catch up.

They continue onward to the entrance. Abbie takes a few steps backwards to her car and lets one more rip out. She smiles contently and strides quickly to catch up with the rest of her crew.

 

 

 

 


End file.
